Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
