Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
