The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
