i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
