we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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