I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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