Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
