I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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