dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
