If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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