I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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