You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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