Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
