These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
