I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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