In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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