What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
