They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i think my cat just said my name.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
