We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
