You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
