Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
