Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
