New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
