Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
