Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
