We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
