saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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