I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Shame is for Republicans.
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