Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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