her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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