I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
