I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
