and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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