I don't have enough holes for all these australians
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You need a sexual gate keeper
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize