I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So many bounce houses so little time
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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