Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
