Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
