What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
