He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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