Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
