There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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