So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
