I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
