i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
