I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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