can u get pink eye on your cock?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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