I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
NoShamevember. You game?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
