; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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