we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
