I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
