I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
