can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
