the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
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I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize