A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
