I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
