oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
