I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
