the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
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Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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