Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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