i just wanna soil my oats bro
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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