i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
