Your face is a jimmy john
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
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I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
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I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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